When we don’t own how we feel, when we don’t take responsibility for our emotions and accept them without judgment (even the negative ones) we disempower ourselves. We make other people responsible for our emotions and then we feel powerless to the effect their attitude has on us (for good or for ill).
The problem with shifting the responsibility of our emotions onto the world “out there” is that it leaves us with no other option but to blame, fight, and resent.
As empaths, it is especially crucial not to fall into the trap of blaming others for how we feel. Just because we may be able to pick up on the emotions and feelings of others, does not make our emotional stability their responsibility or their fault (and vice versa). We are the only ones that have the power and insight to recognize how we feel, validate it, and do what we need to do to take care of ourselves. Nobody else has the capacity to do it for us. If we don’t do it, it won’t get done.
Of course, we don’t always know how we feel. Sometimes we don’t realize how we feel until days, sometimes weeks after an event occurs. That’s okay. It just means we’re out of practice with listening to our emotional selves. Start asking yourself every day, every 5 minutes if you have to, “How do I feel?
“What do I need?”
Validation of our emotions is crucial. While friends/family, therapists, etc. can be amazing tools for helping us learn to validate ourselves, ultimately WE have to have the final say on whether or not our emotions are valid (and they are!). If we don’t validate (once and for all) that EVERY EMOTION we feel belongs here (even if it may be out of context), we will constantly feel the need to seek that validation from the outside world around us. And that is the ultimate form of disempowerment.
Yes. Sometimes we need reminders. We’re human. We’ve all been programmed to believe we are powerless. We’ve all bought into the lie that to care about how we feel is “selfish” and that sacrificing our needs for the needs of others is some kind of holy virtue. And of course, altruism is a beautiful thing. But not at the expense of our health. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we’ll have NOTHING to offer the world – and certainly not the best parts of us– and that is the truly selfish crime.
At those times we do feel we need support and validation from those around us, we can – by all means – seek it out. But it’s important for us to remember that sometimes the best “support” will come in the form of nobody validating us – nobody showing up. In fact, it is in those times where we feel utterly alone and abandoned that we often find our greatest strength. The truth is, in some cases, not having support is exactly what we need to finally recognize how crucial it is for us to show up for ourselves. That’s when we find out what we’re made of.
We all must come to a point where we realize, if we don’t validate/love/take care of our emotions, nobody else will. It is in those times where we realize we DO have what it takes to love ourselves, and THAT is when true healing can begin.
When you are feeling invalidated and unsupported by the world around you, remember that you are your greatest guide and the world around you (no matter WHAT the circumstances may be) is your greatest teacher. YOU have strength within you (and the power of Source/Love/God). You have access to that unending fountain of hope, love, and support and it is CRUCIAL that you find it. It is within. As Jesus said, “the kingdom of God is within you.” It is when we take responsibility for ourselves that we can truly begin our journey to the kingdom inside our own hearts.
In order to feel empowered and truly heal we must take responsibility for:
*How we feel
*What we need (and give ourselves that)
*What we are creating
WE are the creators of our lives. Every day each thought/feeling/inspiration/decision we make is literally shaping our future.
Take the driver’s seat of your life. Start caring about how you feel and what you need above all else. Begin to believe you have something within you that is truly worth giving to the world, and it’s not the half-empty, run-down “self-sacrificer” you’ve been told you have to be, but something FAR more powerful, loving, and inspiring.
How you feel matters. You matter. Own that and experience the wonder of true empowerment.