Above All Else, Watch Over Your Heart

Empaths

This week marks Chakra Center’s third birthday. And it got me thinking.

When I started this blog, I thought it was to help others. I had no idea it would be one of my greatest tools for helping emotional bypassmyself. Through all the classes, articles, and intuitive readings I’ve done, I realize all along I was learning about me. I saw my shadows as well as my light. My poor boundaries (that I thought 8 years of therapy had cured me of) became glaringly obvious. My tendency to want to fix people made its thrilling debut. My inner critic, I discovered, was alive and well. Insecurities crept into nooks and crannies, and old fears reared their ugly heads.

But I also rediscovered parts of my heart I had long since buried. I was reminded of my endurance, realized my commitment to self-love and growth, and discovered how genuine my desire to help others thrive and feel empowered actually was. And I finally understood the saying “If you want to master something, teach.” Knowledge isn’t enough – it’s practice that makes perfect.

In the early days of blogging, I attracted a lot of wounded/broken people. I thought I could somehow fix or serve or help, butemotions5 often I simply reinforced their desire to be rescued.  And while I know some of them were inspired and encouraged – changed even, I ultimately felt unbalanced and wondered how I could possibly teach or talk about empowerment when I myself still felt completely drained by giving. I struggled finding my authentic voice, and felt, once again, like I was doing a great job creating an idea of what people wanted me to be, but still, deep down, remained unknown and unseen.

So I stopped blogging. I stopped teaching classes. I stopped doing readings. And I looked within. I began to consciously and consistently use the tools and techniques I was so good at teaching other people, but felt I didn’t need myself. I wrote only when I felt inspired, and I let myself feel everything that came up – which was mainly disappointment, self-loathing, and fear.

Despite my attempts to connect with others like me, I felt more alone than ever. A dark night of the soul, perhaps? An ego death? Both and neither are true. I think it was a cycle of reevaluation – we all go through it. So much of my life was spent trying to please others, that Chakra Center ended-up becoming just another extension of that same pattern – a pattern, ultimately, of self-denial. But it has been my greatest teacher, it has been the catalyst for immense growth, and I am proud of what it is, and what it is becoming.

I’m still learning about self-love. And I’m doing better. Slowly, but inevitably, I’m regaining my sense of self…finding my heartvoice – learning, for the first time, really, that my needs matter. I no longer have to pretend I don’t have needs, or that they are small or insignificant. Because the truth is, I have a lot of needs – and they DO matter. I’m reminded of Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, watch over the heart, for it is the well-spring of life.” 

Self-love allows the nourishment and energy we need from Creator to flow freely into our lives. Without Source energy, we have nothing to give and the only way to survive is to become a vampire, or a blood doll – getting the next fix from those who will drink, and tell us how amazing we taste. Co-dependency at its finest.

I’m not doing that anymore. I don’t need others to tell me I’m a good friend, a good listener, or a wise guide – I need friends who see me and love me right where I’m at – even when I’m empty and scared and have nothing to give. I finally love myself enough to let more friends like that in, and I’m lucky to say I have a few. I cherish them.

Despite my impatient tendencies, I realize I’ve been growing/changing/evolving all along. It’s easy to get down on myself when an old habit or relationship dynamic pops up. And because I am self-critical to a fault, (and on the lighter side, introspective) I’m always looking for areas I can improve, but often miss what beautiful miracles have already taken place (slowly, quietly…unnoticeably).

That’s what I want to talk about. The miracle of simply living and growing and allowing. The amazing strength it often takes just to get out of bed each morning and breathe in-and-out all day long. Being a human is no small task. It takes bravery. Courage. Power. And despite the dark side of empathic abilities, (the trauma, the setbacks, the potency of feeling everything to the extreme), I still chose to get up every day and live – however half-heartedly, and I’m proud of that.

I chose to drop the self-judgment and simply love myself – as best I can. And better still, I’m learning to allow the UniverseFly to love me — to feed me with that nourishing life that sets my heart free. I chose to stop treating myself (and everyone around me) like problems to be fixed. There is nothing “wrong” with any of us. We’re just living and doing our best. God bless us for that.

I don’t want to fight the world any more. I don’t want to save or fix anyone.  This reality works exactly as it is meant to: a training ground for growth and expansion – where we get to experience ourselves in every context imaginable. We see what we are and what we’re not. We test our strength and our ability to love. We observe how we respond to every sort of adversity. It’s intense. Sometimes ruthless. But it’s also full of incredible magic, waiting, as Yeats said, for our senses to grow sharper.

I simply want to LIVE and experience – allowing the best of me to come forth, and learning patience and forgiveness when the worst of me shows up. I want to share my journey with others, simply because I know how it feels to be alone (for an empath, there is no scarier place to be).

And we’re NOT alone. Let’s see each other – look each other in the eye, not with the disempowering message of “you need me, let me fix you,” but with the transformative power of “I see you. I feel you. You’re not alone.”

That is, after all, what empathy is all about.

I want to be THAT miracle.

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What Are Emotions?

Empaths

Emotions are power.

I’ve always known this, but the more inner child/shadow work I do, the more I realize the brilliance of their function.To emotional healingunderstand what an emotion is, it’s important to be still and allow yourself to empath the nuance and subtly of what the moment FEELS like. When I do this, even if I’m sad or angry, I realize the feelings themselves are not painful — they are beautiful, enchanted movements of energy that act more like paint than solidified, unmovable road blocks.

Emotions create our auric landscape — the screen around us by which we allow our physical bodies to either feel safe and soothed, or nervous and inflamed (which is what it looks like in the body when we resist where we are and ignore, bypass, or judge our emotions).

Tuning-in to the emotional body, for me, feels like a beautiful underwater enchantment. The waves of emotional vibration are completely fluid, which means if we FLOW with the vibrations, we can move through them with ease and grace. This is part of opening the heart chakra and learning self-trust. It’s an aspect of emotional mastery. It’s our power.

What does it feel like when you tune-in to your emotional body?

If you were to simply feel, without judging any emotion that may arise, what kind of picture would your emotions paint around you? Tuning-in to the emotional body is one of the fastest ways to tune-in to your power. It’s an excellent way to get an idea of how energy is moving around you and what you are in the process of creating and attracting into your experience.

But remember: emotions are not YOU. They are simply vibrational indicators. Emotions make the moment what it is, helping you know where you are so you can flow to where you want to be. No emotion is wrong. You don’t have to feel happy all the time. It’s not only unrealistic but it’s unhealthy. Emotions helps us flow through dense realities and contrast, and are there for us to move energy in-and-out of our bodies. It’s difficult to shift from feeling anger to joy, but possible to flow from anger to relief if we allow our emotions to move naturally and don’t stop their flow with unnecessary judgement.

Emotions are magic like that. Always moving, if we allow them to.The problem is, we get addicted to certain emotions and demonize others. This will never work if we want to flow in a meditationbalanced/harmonized way with this life experience.

Every emotion is valid. We don’t have to base our actions solely on feeling, but we can allow ourselves to move THROUGH emotion by first accepting all of them as equally beneficial for our journey and growth. Emotions are here to teach, not control. And it’s important to release resistance to them in order to receive the power of their function.

Lately I’ve had a lot of questions about this topic. The New Age movement, with all it’s focus on positivity, has left many in a chronic state of spiritual bypass, and it’s starting to catch-up with us. Denying how you feel will never lead to true peace because peace implies authenticity.

Remember: it’s okay to feel. Emotions are our vibrational language and suppressing or denying them only limits our ability to communicate.

Let it flow.

Hope you are all having a fantastic Sunday!

Much love!

Amanda

PS. I go into a lot of detail about emotions (and how they work) in my “Creating with Emotions online class.” It’s a good place to start if you’re one of those readers who wants to go deeper.