The Abundance Matrix is our Way Out of Lack

We have an epic opportunity unfolding.

The current polarization of our collective dialogue into “this or that” thinking is a wake up call to the insanity of the binary mindset of the lack.

Common sense, experience, and simply taking a look around at the diversity and multitude of different experiences in the world, should make it clear to everyone that life is this AND that (and so much more!).

Humans have a difficult time thinking outside of “this OR that” mindsets because we’ve been raised to believe there is not enough, and therefore something or someone MUST be sacrificed.

We believe sacrifice makes us worthy, and we have a society of people obsessed with sacrificing their desires, instincts, and genius for the reward of social acceptance.

In our current system, we must prove we are WORTHY to receive by sacrificing whatever the lack matrix tells us will make us “good.”

The reward punishment system we find ourselves in is non sensical and counter productive to thriving. That’s why we both accept it daily in our thinking, and fight it adamantly in our “politics.”

We intuitively understand that it doesn’t work, but we haven’t found a new way to be without it.

And so war is our default.

Being “against” something (or someone) is the easiest energy to access on this planet; and the only way to sustain ourselves (in this way) is to keep creating things to fight against.

It’s non sensical.

In this mindset, we don’t create, we resist. We don’t build, we destroy. We don’t work together, we push apart. We don’t heal, we wound.

The irony is, humans need relationship, witness, and reflection in order to TRULY correct a mistake and invest the wisdom of their experience. Punishment does not rehabilitate behavior.

Without Witness, there’s no wisdom. And without wisdom, there’s no direct experience of abundance.

If our tactic is to punish the things we don’t like or agree with, we create an environment of suppression (one of the most dangerous states to be in).

Suppression creates monsters and super villains, heroes and victims. And the show must go on!

This is why we don’t develop self trust. It’s why we continue to allow the outside world to dictate to us how to live, what to do, what to say, and how to be.

(And then we go to war with it all, because it doesn’t work!).

Why do we do it?!

I believe it’s because we have a collective mental illness brought about by the ILLUSION that there’s not enough (and the belief that humans are innately “bad” and need to be punished for existing).

But what if…

THERE IS ENOUGH?!

What if we are innately worthy of life?

What if the only thing keeping us from healing + thriving, is our belief that we don’t deserve it?!

To connect to the natural ebb and flow of energy — to get back in alignment with our TRUE needs — means we must stop hoarding energy out of fear that there’s not enough.

We need to let go of our ego’s’ obsession with reward/punishment.

It’s time to establish trust with our creative instincts, so we can build the new world.

Once we let go of the excess worry, thoughts, beliefs, distractions, + obligations created by the owe/earn mentality of lack, we are able to reestablish intimacy with creation.

“Look at the birds of the air.” Jesus said. “For they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them.” (Matthew 6:26)

When we believe at a core level that we have no innate value or worth, we buy into the lack matrix program that we must “earn” our right to be here and that we innately OWE.

Earn/owe is the inversion of the “give/receive” nature of creation.

Give/receive is about alignment with the magnetic force of life. It’s about intimacy with how life FEELS.

Alignment with the give/receive nature gives us direct access to our inheritance: Life Itself.

We already HAVE it.

We are worthy to be here because we ARE here.

There is enough. It’s infinite!

We have innate value and worth.

Why is this so radical to believe?!

If humans believed in their value, our creative energy wouldn’t be manipulated to fuel the lack matrix illusion and the entire corrupt system would fall like the unstable Tower it is.

We wouldn’t be tangled in shadow contracts that formed through guilt and are reinforced through shame.

We wouldn’t feel insecure about our identity and out of alignment with our unique creative urge (that we came to express!).

We wouldn’t ask the outside world to tell us who we are.

We wouldn’t hoard energy.

We wouldn’t sacrifice our hearts in favor of war.

As we regain our creative sovereignty and remember how our creative tech works (hint: we don’t have to sacrifice), we begin to easily and effortless pivot toward our preference.

We give ourselves permission to create and therefore URGE. And urge sustains life.

In fact, our creative urge is the key to sustainable/renewable energy.

None of this can happen without a conscious break-up with lack, though.

We must dissolve the beliefs that there is not enough. We must get back in touch with our creative desires. We must allow our mind to be renewed and transformed with the energy of infinite possibilities.

Unless we understand that WE ARE WORTHY and THERE IS ENOUGH, we will continue to fuel war + suffering.
It’s an extinction program.

Spirit has been teaching me about the Abundance Matrix for the past 5 years. For the first time ever, I’m creating an online course to share everything I’ve learned:

*How to ditch the “owe/earn” mentality of lack and get in flow with the “give/receive” technology of Abundance.
*How to recognize the vibrational difference between lack and abundance.
*The 7 Laws of Astronomical Abundance.
*How to do “The Spell of Astronomical Abundance.”
*The mechanism of the lack matrix (to avoid the trap of continually reinforcing trauma).
*The spiral technology of abundance (+ how to get in alignment with it).
*How to use synchronicity as abundance technology
*How to tap into your unique Abundance language (to unlock your dormant potential).
*How to recognize shadow contracts (+ dissolve them).
*Tips to easily and effortlessly pivot toward your preference (+ include yourself in the equation of your life).
*Morning + night routines to prime and prep your thoughtscape for more abundance to be stabilized in your resonance.
*How to quickly dissolve “lack” agreements by discovering hidden limiting beliefs + transforming them through Witness.

Course includes:

*Abundance meditations
*Abundance subliminals
*Access to my private Abundance Matrix Mastermind group (on the Mighty Network).

Pre-register for only $88 (price will go up after release date).

Click here to pre-register + receive access to the Abundance Matrix Mastermind + discount. The Abundance Matrix Digital Course will be released May 18th at full price.

*This is a pre-recorded online digital course. You must have internet to access it.

Also — have you joined my email list? My teachings and deeper content is only released to my email subscribers. Check out the latest:

Empower Your Sacral Chakra

Online Classes, Uncategorized

Last April I taught a live, online class on healing and empowering the sacral chakra (for women only). I have been asked to make the class available again, so I decided to sell the archives for half the price of the original class.

The course focuses on:

*Deleting shame/guilt programs stored in our Sacral Chakra

*Acknowledging and soothing sexual trauma

*Igniting our passions/dreams/desires

*Understanding the power of our sexual energy

*How to tap into the creative power of the sacral chakra (without guilt!)

*Transmuting negative energy in the sacral chakra to a more positive flow/experience with the world

*Allowing our creative/sexual energy to flow freely

*Plus some resources I’ve found incredibly helpful in empowering my sacral chakra!

The material is geared toward women, but men who want to understand more about their feminine energies, or female partners might gain a lot perspective.

Although the class won’t be taught live, all information is available to go through at your own pace. Once registered, you will receive an email with access to a password protected page to all class material.

Start your New Year with newly empowered passion. You deserve to be free!

Empower Your Sacral Chakra $22

Interested in more online classes for empaths? Click here.

Above All Else, Watch Over Your Heart

Empaths

This week marks Chakra Center’s third birthday. And it got me thinking.

When I started this blog, I thought it was to help others. I had no idea it would be one of my greatest tools for helping myself. Through all the classes, articles, and intuitive readings I’ve done, I realize all along I was learning about me. I saw my shadows as well as my light. My poor boundaries (that I thought 8 years of therapy had cured me of) became glaringly obvious. My tendency to want to fix people made its thrilling debut. My inner critic, I discovered, was alive and well. Insecurities crept into nooks and crannies, and old fears reared their ugly heads.

But I also rediscovered parts of my heart I had long since buried. I was reminded of my endurance, realized my commitment to self-love and growth, and discovered how genuine my desire to help others thrive and feel empowered actually was. And I finally understood the saying “If you want to master something, teach.” Knowledge isn’t enough – it’s practice that makes perfect.

In the early days of blogging, I attracted a lot of wounded/broken people. I thought I could somehow fix or serve or help, but often I simply reinforced their desire to be rescued. And while I know some of them were inspired and encouraged – changed even, I ultimately felt unbalanced and wondered how I could possibly teach or talk about empowerment when I myself still felt completely drained by giving. I struggled finding my authentic voice, and felt, once again, like I was doing a great job creating an idea of what people wanted me to be, but still, deep down, remained unknown and unseen.

So I stopped blogging. I stopped teaching classes. I stopped doing readings. And I looked within. I began to consciously and consistently use the tools and techniques I was so good at teaching other people, but felt I didn’t need myself. I wrote only when I felt inspired, and I let myself feel everything that came up – which was mainly disappointment, self-loathing, and fear.

Despite my attempts to connect with others like me, I felt more alone than ever. A dark night of the soul, perhaps? An ego death? Both and neither are true. I think it was a cycle of reevaluation – we all go through it. So much of my life was spent trying to please others, that Chakra Center ended-up becoming just another extension of that same pattern – a pattern, ultimately, of self-denial. But it has been my greatest teacher, it has been the catalyst for immense growth, and I am proud of what it is, and what it is becoming.

I’m still learning about self-love. And I’m doing better. Slowly, but inevitably, I’m regaining my sense of self…finding my voice – learning, for the first time, really, that my needs matter. I no longer have to pretend I don’t have needs, or that they are small or insignificant. Because the truth is, I have a lot of needs – and they DO matter. I’m reminded of Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, watch over the heart, for it is the well-spring of life.”

Self-love allows the nourishment and energy we need from Creator to flow freely into our lives. Without Source energy, we have nothing to give and the only way to survive is to become a vampire, or a blood doll – getting the next fix from those who will drink, and tell us how amazing we taste. Co-dependency at its finest.

I’m not doing that anymore. I don’t need others to tell me I’m a good friend, a good listener, or a wise guide – I need friends who see me and love me right where I’m at – even when I’m empty and scared and have nothing to give. I finally love myself enough to let more friends like that in, and I’m lucky to say I have a few. I cherish them.

Despite my impatient tendencies, I realize I’ve been growing/changing/evolving all along. It’s easy to get down on myself when an old habit or relationship dynamic pops up. And because I am self-critical to a fault, (and on the lighter side, introspective) I’m always looking for areas I can improve, but often miss what beautiful miracles have already taken place (slowly, quietly…unnoticeably).

That’s what I want to talk about. The miracle of simply living and growing and allowing. The amazing strength it often takes just to get out of bed each morning and breathe in-and-out all day long. Being a human is no small task. It takes bravery. Courage. Power. And despite the dark side of empathic abilities, (the trauma, the setbacks, the potency of feeling everything to the extreme), I still chose to get up every day and live – however half-heartedly, and I’m proud of that.

I chose to drop the self-judgment and simply love myself – as best I can. And better still, I’m learning to allow the Universe to love me — to feed me with that nourishing life that sets my heart free. I chose to stop treating myself (and everyone around me) like problems to be fixed. There is nothing “wrong” with any of us. We’re just living and doing our best. God bless us for that.

I don’t want to fight the world any more. I don’t want to save or fix anyone. This reality works exactly as it is meant to: a training ground for growth and expansion – where we get to experience ourselves in every context imaginable. We see what we are and what we’re not. We test our strength and our ability to love. We observe how we respond to every sort of adversity. It’s intense. Sometimes ruthless. But it’s also full of incredible magic, waiting, as Yeats said, for our senses to grow sharper.

I simply want to LIVE and experience – allowing the best of me to come forth, and learning patience and forgiveness when the worst of me shows up. I want to share my journey with others, simply because I know how it feels to be alone (for an empath, there is no scarier place to be).

And we’re NOT alone. Let’s see each other – look each other in the eye, not with the disempowering message of “you need me, let me fix you,” but with the transformative power of “I see you. I feel you. You’re not alone.”

That is, after all, what empathy is all about.

I want to be THAT miracle.

Become An Empowered Empath Online Class

Empaths, Online Classes, Online Courses

How to Heal and Thrive as An Empath Online Class (3 part series)

Part 1: Understanding Empathic Abilities

*What does it mean to be empathic (what it is, and what it’s not)

*How childhood affects empathic abilities (and can lead to emotional issues as adults)

*What a healthy empath looks like/what it looks like out of balance

*Shadow Work

*The Dark Side of empaths (the stuff no one ever talks about)

-Manipulation

-Extreme projection of fear and negativity based on unhealed issues

-Externalizing darkness/negativity as if it’s “out there” somewhere and does not exist within (aka

denial of shadow aspects, spiritual bypassing, repression, etc)

-Disempowerment (always needing to fix and help others)

-Religious or spiritual fundamentalism (the empathic trap)

-Judgment

Part 2: Healing Emotional Wounds/Acceptance/Surrender/Shadow Integration

*Begin the healing process by establishing a regular energetic hygiene routine

*Understand emotions and allow them to function properly

*Understand how and why you pick up negative/low energy and why “protection/shielding” doesn’t always work (and can sometimes make things worse)

Part 3: Tools to help you thrive

*How to recognize what energy is yours and what belongs to other people

*Learn how to function better in crowded places

*Tips to regularly (and quickly) re-charge your energy

*How to keep your home/environment in a high vibration

*Intuitive eating and energy clearing (to avoid empathic weight gain)

*Herbal elixirs, crystals, and essential oils that help clear/uplift energy

*How to let go of the victim belief

*Accepting responsibility for your own vibration

*Not allowing emotions/energy to control you

All material/content is available through videos/audios to access at your own pace/convenience.

To register for this class complete purchase through the paypal button below:

(Please note: After purchase the content link will be emailed to you within 24 hours).

How to Heal and Thrive as An Empath 3 Part Series

Life After Religion

Uncategorized

Over the past two years, the majority of people who have contacted me for mentoring or taken my classes have either left, or are in the process of leaving religion.

Many empaths and highly sensitive people find religious environments debilitating to their sensitivities because it is often preached that emotions are “wicked,” and unreliable. Many religions ignore emotions at best, or demonize their purpose and function.

(So why do we have them, then? Small malfunction on God’s part, I suppose?!)

Although Jesus’s message was all about the heart (and he was the ultimate empath), many churches value the mind, “right practice,” and “right doctrine” over personal experience, and prioritize doctrine above individuals. Spiritual bypassing is rampant, congregants bury their emotions in duty in an attempt to “die to themselves” (rather than nurture and expand “the well-spring of life” — which is THE HEART – Psalm 4:23), and in the end, they’re left feeling spiritually empty and exhausted. They kill their passion, lose heart, and call it moral fiber.

Being ardently committed and passionate about doctrine or a “plan of salvation” is not the same as spiritual growth and expansion, and for empaths, this kind of “mind over emotion” environment is deadly.

Because I have SO MANY empaths contact me who are in this transition period out of religion, I thought I’d share some common themes I’ve noticed, things to be aware of, and resources that may help the process.

Themes I’ve noticed:

*Most people who outgrow religion feel they have nowhere to go. They either carry a chip on their shoulder about religion and turn

off all aspects of spirituality out of (understandable) anger, OR float around aimlessly with no sense of connection to others and no clear moral compass.

*For those who come from a strong Christian background this is especially true, as most Christians have a deep sense of community/family, and when you leave, no one knows quite what to do with you. It’s not that they’ve stopped loving you or no longer care, they just don’t know how to relate to you anymore. And leaving the religion feels like you’re leaving THEM. And in a sense, you are.

*Many who leave religion often go through a pendulum swing, trading a life of duty/service/rules, to a maelstrom of drugs, sex, and partying. This swing typically causes them to eventually go back to religion and shut down their hearts even further, because they never learned to trust themselves. They never learned moderation. They never figured out who they are OR resurrected their hearts. They simply tried to numb the pain by releasing all their suppression in one fell swoop. And because they made a mess of things, they feel even further convinced that they “need” religion to babysit them, because they’re convinced they are sinful to the core. In my experience (with the people I’ve worked with), this is the most debilitating conclusion one could come to.

Having a system that babysits and monitors your behavior might be good when you’re spiritually young and immature, but you are meant to eventually grow-up. A parent wouldn’t keep their kid in a play pin for the rest of their lives. That’s abuse. We are meant to grow, make mistakes, and learn how to take care of ourselves. Sadly, many churches and religions foster an unhealthy dependence on their system, emphasizing that without them and their rules/standards/structure, the people would be utterly lost and hell-bound. This is the most destructive and emotionally/spiritually stunting system a person can submit themselves to.

So what can you do?

If you’re coming out of religion, here are some tips to help you stay grounded/healthy:

*Connect with others who are in your shoes: When I first left religion, I didn’t have friends for a while – at least not any that I felt truly understood my heart. I still believed in (and had a relationship with) that which I called “God,” but I was exploring what that meant outside of the programming I’d been raised with; I had no desire to abandon it entirely. I simply needed to feel authentic, a feeling I deeply lacked in the religious environment. There were too many things I did not resonate with, and I just couldn’t lie anymore. It wasn’t until I connected with others who were on a spiritually “open” (and expanded) path that I began to truly find myself again.

Check-out Meet-up groups in your area, or connect with groups on online (Facebook has a ton). I also explored YouTube videos and found others like me (YAY), some who have become very close friends. Finding your “tribe” is an important part of the exit journey. You might be surprised how many people out there are on your same path.

*Know the withdrawal stages. This will vary for each person (depending on how severe the religious programming has been). For me, it wasn’t entirely excruciating, because although I was raised around religion my entire life (including fundamentalism) I managed to escape all the extremes, and the one church I grew up going to was pretty mild, open, and free (emphasis on having a relationship with Jesus, not on the “church” itself). But I also never deeply connected to it. I’m not sure why that is, but I have NEVER been able to connect deeply to any organization. It just didn’t resonate…and never has.

But for some of my friends/family who were in pretty extreme/fundamentalist groups, it is a much more painful, excruciating, and even terrifying process to exit. If you were raised or deeply programmed in a religion that preaches legalism and constant fear of hell, it’s extremely difficult to leave (and all the more crucial that you do, when you’re ready).

*Join support groups – especially if you’ve been in anything that resembles a cult. Again, Facebook and Google communities have groups that help people who are leaving fundamentalism. It’s important to connect with others who understand the process you are going through (so you don’t feel alone). And it wouldn’t hurt to consider therapy. A lifetime of religious programming takes time to be free from. You don’t walk away unscathed. A lot of unhealthy beliefs stay with you. And frankly, most religions don’t equip you for living a healthy life outside of their boundaries. Get the support you need.

*Have compassion on yourself. I think one of the biggest challenges people who leave extreme fundamentalism have is the ridicule and tone of ridiculousness they (and others) have toward them(selves) “how could you have ever believed in that?!”

Remember that the reasons you were in religion is because on some level it served a purpose, and the purpose is different for everyone. For some, religion was simply a stepping stone on their path of spiritual awakening, for others, it served as an escape from a destructive or abusive life.

Extreme religion often appeals to those who’ve been abused because of the strong boundaries many fundamentalist uphold. The organization will often feel “clean” and “safe” and offers an immediate sense of family and support. This is not only appealing for the abused person, but can initially feel deeply healing. The strong boundaries gives the initiate an opportunity to feel “safe” and hear messages about God – and that initial experience, regardless of how abusive the church/cult may turn out to be, is always the hardest thing to grapple with when one considers leaving. They feel the church “saved” them or that God spoke to them (or led them) there, and if they leave, it would be denying that experience.

Leaving religion also causes people to question their ability to hear God speak. This alone can be devastating. When you are raised in an environment that teaches you to listen to them (or their doctrine) above your own intuition/inner-knowing, it severely damages your ability to tune-in to your own inner guidance system. Putting your faith and trust in something external from you is disempowering. Period. It is impossible to be truly (ultimately) free when you give your power away to a person, an organization, or any doctrinal idea.

It’s okay to honor and respect your decision to be in religion. You don’t have to demonize the experience, but you also don’t have to stay in it. Every experience we have is here to teach us, and when we judge the process, we limit the understanding.

However, it is equally important to realize we grow out of things. Just as we go to 1^st grade, then 2^nd, then 3^rd, we’re not meant to stay in the same place spiritually forever, and after a person gains a sense of safety/foundation and feels strong enough to go deeper, they often feel stunted and trapped, the once appealing religious standards now become stifling to further growth.

This typically causes one to feel a tremendous amount of guilt, (with the extra bonus of fear if the church is one that stressed the consequence of eternal damnation.)

Leaving fundamentalism can be a huge psychological mind f*&K and it takes some time to be free from the fear. But freedom does come, and often, if you love yourself enough to continue to go deeper with your spiritual growth, you find more freedom, love, and harmony than you’ve ever had in the church/group you were a part of. God is not a building, and spiritual growth is not limited to a group of people. Peace and expansion, as well as a deeper (and more freeing) experience of the Divine awaits all who love themselves enough to receive it.

God is not in a box. Why should you be?

Here are some resources:

Withdrawal Stages from Spiritually Abusive Systems (check out link)

(For those who ARE Christian, but have left religion or are perhaps feeling spiritually dead, this John Eldridge talk is the perfect reminder that there is nothing religious about Jesus. It’s possible to be a Jesus follower and be deeply in touch with your heart, your emotions, and your vulnerability. In fact, it’s essential:

For those who are ready to move beyond religion entirely, here are some things to challenge your spiritual journey for further growth:

4 Ways to Transmute Difficult Emotions

Uncategorized

Check out the article I wrote for ModBod:

Emotions can be overwhelming. Feelings like sadness, anger, grief, and loneliness can seem unbearable, especially when we live in a society ill-equipped in understanding the purpose and function of human emotion.

The typical formula is suppression, repression, denial, or some form of intellectual or spiritual bypass. We’d just assume not have any emotion, than to feel the painful ones.

Unfortunately, we need our emotions to function optimally as a human. Emotions are an integral part of our internal guidance system, and when we ignore or suppress them, we cause major damage not only to our mental health, but our physical health as well.

Here are 4 tips to deal with difficult emotions:

1. Allow yourself to feel: The reason difficult emotions feels so…well…difficult, is because we resist them. We want to feel good, and when emotions arise that conflict with what we want, we typically suppress, repress, or bypass. The resistance between what we feel and what we want to feel causes immense intensity in the emotional body — this is because the emotions are being held back. When we release into the emotion, the pressure eases.

Emotions are meant to be felt. They are our vibrational indicators and are necessary for our survival and happiness in this life. Emotions let you know where you are (vibrationally) in relation to where you want to be. When we resist how we feel, our guidance system has to resort to other measures to get our attention (like sickness in the body). Give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Feeling is not failing.

2. Validate how you feel: Once we allow ourselves to feel what we feel, validation is crucial. Often we feel as if our emotions are out of context: perhaps we feel we are overreacting, or maybe we’ve been told we’re just “too sensitive.” But emotions are always valid. We feel what we feel for a reason. The intensity of what we feel may not be directly related to what is occurring at the moment, but the emotions come from somewhere, and they matter, nonetheless. For true healing to take place, the emotional body must be trusted. You don’t have to act on the emotion for validation, simply tell yourself “What I feel is okay.”

3. Release the emotion: Now that our emotions have been felt and validated, it’s time to let them go. Emotions, once felt, must be released. Release is not the same as suppressing or bypassing. It’s not forcing yourself to feel differently or ignoring the pain. Release is about allowing our emotional body to run efficiently. Emotions are meant to flow. When we block the flow, it causes imbalances in the body and (as noted above), sometimes illness. If you’re having a hard time releasing an emotion, it probably has not been fully validated. Go back to step 2 and take time to validate how you feel. Deep trauma takes time to heal.

4. Direct your focus toward relief: Relief goes hand-in-hand with releasing emotion. Once you’ve let an emotion go, ask yourself what you need and give attention and focus to the feeling of relief. Your internal guidance always knows what it needs, and it’s always speaking to you. You may have to practice listening, but it will communicate. What do you need? Maybe it’s a hot bath, a walk in nature, or dinner with a friend. Don’t hesitate to pamper yourself after the release of a difficult emotion. Taking care of your emotional needs is how you develop trust with yourself and build a strong emotional body.

Emotions can be powerful tools, but terrible masters. Treat them with respect but don’t fear them. They are your friends and comrades in this life experience. Welcome them in.

Magic Makes Everything Better!

Uncategorized

Lately I’ve been feeling so BLAH. Uninspired. Pointless, even.

As this particular brand of “low” has lingered longer than I care to entertain, I figured I might as well make the best of its visit. So I decided to pull up cozy chair, pour some hot tea, and gather a list of some of my favorite things (to add a note of enchantment to the misty fog and heavy rain that seems to have taken up residence in all the shadowy places of my being).

Thought maybe you’d all get something out of it to:

Trees. They just make me happy. Especially these enchanted ones:

Water. The perfect element to evoke when having tea with sadness (or any emotion, really).

The Sun. Ah the clearing, restorative, empowering energy of sunlight. Bon appetit!

(This first one, I took last fall in Utah, the second I took at a nature park in Sacramento, the third one I found on google images):

Magic stuff. Always helps me feel more alive (all from google images):.

Now I’m off to write about magical worlds — at winter time. Gotta work with where I’m at.

Happy Monday!

What I Know For Sure

Empaths

Oprah has a section in her magazine called “What I know for sure” (something like that). Every month she reflects on her most recent life lessons and narrows it down to what she can say she knows “for sure.” And it got me thinking; what do I *know* for sure? Believe it or not, it’s a much harder question than I anticipated – especially when I’m in such an intense process of undoing, unlearning, and unknowing.

Here’s what I’ve boiled it down to:

I know that self-love is not just about accepting our “flaws” or “humanity” – it’s also about acknowledging and allowing our power – our Being – to simply BE. In fact, my most “god-like” moments have little to do with altruism or grand demonstrations of love. Rather, the moments I feel the most content and in love with life is when I’m allowing what I feel inside to be what I express on the outside – and it changes all the time! Being authentic – allowing exactly what I am to matter – to be, and to show. The fact that these moments are standing out with such profound clarity is a deep indication of how much of my life I’ve spent being inauthentic, for the motivation of being more loved, more accepted, more likeable.

What a prison.

The truth is, I don’t know. I feel unsure. I feel elated. I feel powerful. I feel beautiful. I feel invincible. I feel vulnerable. I feel like I DO know. And rather than qualifying these passing feelings to definition, I’m simply allowing myself to be a contradiction. I find the more I embrace my inner paradox, the less ambiguous I become.

When I really think about it, the biggest lie I use to tell was how insecure or weak I felt. I told that lie a lot – because I thought it made me more likable. Somewhere along my journey I got the message that to be confident about myself was prideful. Or to do/write/be where I authentically resonated was unacceptable, intolerable, or unpalatable. In the confusion of trying to be acceptable, I forgot what it meant to be. That’s when I started to lie. And it seemed to work. People seemed to enjoy or feel disarmed by my self-depreciating tendencies, to the extent that I made it a huge part of my personality.. But it never really felt good to me. And what I’m learning is, it wasn’t fair to my relationships. Living a lie may feel more polite, but on an energetic level, it’s barbaric.

So here’s what I know for sure: I don’t want to lie anymore.

I’ve stopped pretending to be anything other than what I am. Sometimes I feel small and insignificant, but mostly, when I’m really honest, I feel/see how immense and powerful I am. That I can be significant and insignificant simultaneously is awe-inspiring. And what’s most surprising to discover is, I really like myself. I’ve spent so much time believing to hate myself was the more righteous thing to do, that I never realized I was fighting against my most basic nature, which is love. I actually love myself.

I like that I’m a walking paradox. I like that I’ve tried and failed a million times. I like that I can throw a fit when things aren’t going well because I know deep down life is MEANT to be lived awake and aware. I like that I allow my vulnerability to be seen and still take care to give my heart what it needs. But most of all, I like that I’m human. People typically associate “humanness” with being weak or flawed, but I see it as the most badass modality for expressing many truths, and failing all of them simultaneously. How ingenious of us! This experiment is working well.

So here’s to being human, to not knowing (and sometimes not even caring) what “the truth” is. I just know that I Am. And that’s enough.

Go Home, Get Triggered, Write a Poem.

Creative Writing, Empaths, healing

Yes. That’s what happens when I go home, I get triggered.

I think everyone can relate — especially if you’re an empath or highly sensitive. “Home” is like walking into the middle of a landmine. No bueno.

I knew when I planned this trip it was going to be a test. A test of how well I can remember who I am.

Before going I had more than one dream of floating on top of Utah lake, one of the main landmarks of Utah county. Beautiful to behold from a distance, but a cesspool of mercury laden fish and dead bodies — literally.

At the boat dock, warning signs assault any lingering serenity, advising would-be fishers not to eat more than a half a pound of fish from the lake in a YEAR.

Delish.

In my dreams, Utah lake is like the consciousness of the State — sparkling from the outside, full of poison within. And I know I come from here. It is apart of me.

A hard dream to swallow.

I must make friends with this place. Love it, like the shadowy places inside me– for they know not what they do.

Sometimes it works. Glorious moments occur where I shift into a new reality, and all is well. Utah is the home I always wanted — welcoming me with her majestic mountains. Smiling on me with her glorious sun.

But bliss is short lived and I wake to see the inversion settling in, filling my lungs with death.

Maybe it’s meant to always be a reminder of the contrast I come from — the stark memories of the life I don’t prefer, so I can go off into the horizon with renewed desire to create something new.

For some reason this trip home was the hardest one so far, and yet, the most freeing.

This poem emerged as an after thought. I highly recommend creating from melancholy — it leaves quite a ghostly whisper:

Home

At home her tall steeples frown down on me
as I reach for the sky where her finger points.
Her mountains shield fears
behind walls of trapped tears,
her air turns my lungs black.

A barren land – my milk-less mother
too weak to eat the metal fish in her pond.
With naked eyes I remove her blindfold.
Where Nothing Is
Everything is Hidden.

You Didn’t Fail, You Expanded

Empaths, Spirituality

There really is an art to surrender.

Fighting against every emotion, being “on top” on my vibration, trying to be intentional and conscious about every little thing I do — well — it can sometimes take the joy out of LIVING. Didn’t we come here to be HUMAN? Why would we leave our place of Oneness — our knowing of All Things, to come into a human experience and deny ourselves the experience/blessing of being a singular person with an ego and identity and flaws? We will never learn real love by having an attitude of intolerance towards our learning process.

Living on purpose and with awareness is important (of course) but I feel so many of us feel like if we know we create our reality and anything exists in our experience that does not feel like BLISS, we somehow failed as creators. But we would never be able to create anything at all if we didn’t first experience creating what we don’t want.

We came here to fail and succeed, because in this reality, you can’t have one without the other — it’s the nature (and brilliance) of a dualistic world. The trick is to not see anything you do as a failure, but simply as an experience that teaches us all more about ourselves, and helps us further our expansion. It is only our judgement/beliefs about any experience or situation that gives it a negative or positive feeling — not the experience itself. Drop the judgment.

I am beginning to understand that the key to happiness in this life is not being perfectly in alignment all of the time (or even 90% or 70% of the time), but to love and embrace every experience/emotion/creation along the way. LOVE THE PROCESS. LOVE THE JOURNEY. SURRENDER TO LIFE. Give yourself grace. Surrender to the experience (which means failing, messing up, trying too hard, feeling small and insignificant — all of it). You came here to give yourself the perspective of separation just as much as you wanted to understand more fully what Oneness is. We wanted to learn to appreciate all of what we are — not just the aspects that feel acceptable.

So if you are feeling like you failed, you’re too weak, or you just can’t get it right — let yourself off the hook. You are PERFECTLY where you are, and that is always enough. Accept and surrender, and the flow of life will take you to your next level of expansion.

Sending appreciation for all of you today! Thank you for being courageous enough to be HUMAN! What miracles we are!

PS. This interview with intuitive empath Sonia Choquette SO resonated with me because she offers a loving voice to the benefit of failure and points out how we often bypass our humanity (especially in the spiritual community) because we feel we must be perfect. So real and authentic!

The Journey Home: How Pain Can Lead to Power

Empaths

Sometimes I forget I matter.

I forget my emotions are my friends (not my enemies).

I forget contrast is here to serve me (not master me).

I forget I am worthy of love.

Coming “home” is where I typically pick up all of my old insecurities:

I’m not good enough, it would seem. I’m unworthy of truly being free.

My first response to is beat myself up. WHY?! Why in the name of all that is holy would I choose to come back to the place I feel the worst about myself? Haven’t I learned my lesson? Why would I do this to my emotional body?!

If I follow that line of thought, the only conclusion I come to is that I am powerless over my emotions and I will always be stuck here – rooted in trauma and fear.

But I know being “stuck” is impossible in a world of constant growth and expansion.

So I press on, guiding my focus toward a stream of thought that feels better to think.

Although feeling powerless shifts responsibility away for a bit (how I feel is caused by THIS PLACE – not me), the truth is, I know better. I know the feelings come from within. I know my thoughts are the ones in control here, not this geographic location. “Home” is a hologram built on my experiences and beliefs.

And I begin to regain power.

Oh yes. That’s right. I get to choose what to think about – where to direct my focus. What do I want to think? What will feel better than these thoughts of powerlessness?

I need to know I have my best interest at heart. I have to know God loves me enough not to abandon me in these feelings of unworthiness. I want to remember the way the Universe allows me to continually revisit deep places of conflict to give me the opportunity to heal further, to accept, love, and understand myself with more clarity. I want to develop more compassion and an unconditional presence to my emotions.

Yes. That’s it. That’s why I’m here. I needed to show up for myself – especially in these places that feel the most unacceptable.

Okay. These thoughts feel better. I feel my vibration shift. I feel more empowered. I feel more taken care of. I feel more seen and heard and loved.

Maybe I’m not abandoned.

So here I am – the genesis of my trauma. I loved myself enough to come back here, right? What do I want out of this experience? What do I need? How do I want to feel?

Perhaps I simply need to be reminded I am not alone. I Am here. God is here. Purpose is here, in this place. This is a loving place to be – a loving thing to do to myself. I need this reminder. I need to know this part of me matters.

I chose to come “home” because I wanted to show myself I care enough to strengthen the places within me that need the most unconditional love.

I chose to revisit old wounds because they asked me to bear witness to their presence – they begged not to be abandoned in the past. And I love myself enough to show up.

I am thankful I have the courage to come home. I need this part of myself for the journey.

Oh yes. I remember now. I almost forgot about the journey – the moments of love and soothing presence offered along the way. The peace found in the storms – the halleluiah chorus along the way reminding me why I chose to come into this life in the first place. This knowing is the reason – this space between pain and beauty – the place of surrender and acceptance of all things, especially the hurt.

Now I can say I am truly thankful (and mean it) for this spot on the earth called “home.” I have not failed here – this is where I had my greatest success. Here I chose to live and hurt – to love and lose and bleed and desire. This is the place I am continually led to for renewal of hope. And God meets me here, in my “weakness.” This place is where I find my greatest strength.

Here I am free.

Creating with Emotions Online Class

Empaths, featured, Features, Online Classes, Online Classes/Retreats, Online Courses

Emotions vibrate faster than thoughts. They are powerful conduits for creating reality and our life experiences. Learning to use the power of emotions to our benefit is a crucial step to thriving (especially as an empath).

If you’ve taken “Empowering Empathic Abilities” and “Healing and Empowering the Emotional Body” online classes, Creating with Emotions offers practices for the next step with our emotions once we’ve learned to master them.

In this class we will focus on:

*How emotions fuel vibrations (and our point of attraction)

*The role of emotions in creating our reality

*The importance of trust, healing, and shadow work in the process of consciously creating

*Practices that help to remove common blocks in our creation process

*The role of DESIRE in creation

*The power of NOW: How to embrace the moment and use it to its fullest potential

Price $33

I look forward to connecting again!

Creating with Emotions Online Class $33

Monday’s Magic: Soothing the Emotional Body

Aromatherapy, Empaths, The Heart Chakra, The Throat Chakra

A Daily Affirmation for Self-Soothing

I Am – Letting go of my self-concept

Today I see and validate that I Am – and that is more than enough.

I allow my emotions to flow like a powerful river and I thank them for being my allies in this experience in the physical.

I Am a powerful creator and I know my thoughts and emotions are creating the reality I see before me

Therefore I direct my focus inward – to the causal plane.

I embrace the tremendous power of the NOW and choose to bring 100% of my focus into the present moment.

In this moment I embrace and accept all that I feel, and I choose to direct my focus in flow of relief/validation/and self-love – in a way that gives to my emotional body a deep soothing comfort.

I acknowledge that my emotions are my superpower, and I choose to listen to their wise counsel, always bringing in the Wisdom of my Higher Self to help decide the best course of action for my moment.

This moment is eternal as I am eternal. There are no limitations and no time rush. I have time to feel how I feel and give myself what I need. There is space for me to bask in the delicious and soothing energy of self-care.

I know that through this self-care, I will be more whole, more powerful, more creative, more authentic, more compassionate, and a wiser human.

By allowing myself to FEEL I am causing the expansion of the entire Universe – letting All that *is* be apart of my unique perspective.

It is an honor to be in this human body and feel my way through this existence. I am eternally grateful for this power that has been bestowed on me in this moment, and I choose to use it to the fullest potential of each and every *now* the Universe offers me.

I trust the Love of the Existence and receive in it the deepest parts of my soul, in all the places that have lost hope or feel fear. I allow unconditional LOVE to heal all of me, to be present with me in every moment with every emotion.

I will never abandonment myself again, but will do my best to show up and be present to my emotions, trusting in the wisdom of the Universe to guide me into Joy.

I give myself grace. I forgive everyone, everywhere, in all timelines, especially myself.

I receive the moment and all that it has to offer. I am free.

Happy Winter Solstice: Bring Back the Treasures of Darkness!

Empaths, winter solstice

Can you feel it? We’re Shifting in life-altering ways. As we’ve put our focus on empowering ourselves/taking back our energy/untangling our thoughts and emotions from other people and giving ourselves what we need to be healthy and thrive, a certain inner clarity is arising. The Universal OM is emerging from our inner-most places of darkness.

In my experience, it feels like my inner Shaman is unusually active and helping me go through some of the deepest realms of my subconscious fears. These Shamanic journeys into my own inner realms have also shown me the vibrational boarders of many of my defense mechanisms (after all, we have come to realize that much of our “empathic ability” developed as a form of survival in this world). In other words, I’ve been exploring/healing/and integrating trigger points on my emotional body, and to be honest, there have been moments where it is scary as f**k!

BUT, through all of this, I am finding my inner-strength — the Goddess — the Mother and protector of the sacred realms of emotions, the Wise Crone, the Hag — all the treasures of my inner-world (the Underworld) and all the most valuable secrets of femininity. I can honestly say I am going through a level of empowerment that I have NEVER felt in this lifetime. Ever. It is amazing and terrifying all at the same time. The Universe is asking me to redefine all of my relationships, to evaluate my sense of worth, and to “unplug” as much as humanly possible from diving into other people’s emotional bodies. It is only in THIS way that I am TRULY seeing who I am, what I *really* feel, and what I truly need.

I am strengthening my vibrational boarders — meaning ANY vibrational resonances that is close/similar to past relational tendencies I am healing, clearing, shifting out of (and sometimes, even having to lay the smack down with).

During one mediation I saw a black leopard come out of me — a power animal aspect that I have LONG suppressed (and she’s SO badass — with a type of strength and sense of personal boundaries that I was unable to access until now). When she came out, she stretched (the way cats do) and then started “patrolling” my vibrational boarders. A few times old vibrations (tendencies/relational stuff) have come-up — and she just knocks them out — the way a cat will bat things out of their way. She gracefully and unapologetically says “No. You don’t belong here.” I have felt so empowered by her presence — so inspired by her grace and form.

This is what we’re doing. We’re waking up. We’re connecting to our inner-strength (and our MAGIC). We’re healing. And we’re changing — for the better. For the SHIFT.

I’ll be talking a lot more about vibrational boarders in my Healing and Empowering the Emotional Body” class, and sharing how I have accessed my inner Shaman, working with power animals to go into our “otherworlds,” and empowering ourselves through our OWN emotional bodies (taking our focus back). I feel this is THE MOST IMPORTANT work I’ve done to date in my life and I’m curious to hear how it’s going for all of you, too.

I’ll do a video on this in the next day or so. In the meantime I just wanted to share a bit about my travels through my inner-dimensions — and I’m bringing back with me all the treasures of darkness.

Happy Solstice!